7/19/2025
this feeling. is always strange. heaviness. numb. its as if im waking up from a vivid dream. a play? i took part in. i know things. but it never feels like mine. a character i play. a story im living. i didnt realize who i was at first. i was suddenly here. laying in bed. looking at a blurry computer screen with confusing words. deceit. ill call him for now. worried a friend of ours. he hadnt felt the feeling since hes been out for weeks. hes not used to it. he was scared. i dont know what it was. that made us dissociate. maybe reading what he did triggered something. it wasnt anything triggering. to me at least. but maybe. maybe something irked her more than shes willing to admit. shes quiet. for once.
i dont know the last time i was out here. we had a different job back then. i know that now. i still am recovering from this feeling. i dont like talking. i dont like typing. but deceit has not made any worthwhile posts. this seems needed for the future. i can do whats needed. im tired. im unsure what to do next. i could put on a video to sleep to. its around midnight for us. maybe that will help. i dont want to be out here tomorrow. ill have to talk at work. i dont want to mask. our old job let me unmask because we didnt talk to anymore for hours. its strange. its confusing. i dont like this heavy feeling.
how do you end a post like this? how do you end anything. i suppose i can say goodbye. i have nothing left to say.
-lou
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